Surrender

Fear. It’s crippling, debilitating, and damn right scary, isn’t it? For so many years, fear has held me captive to negative patterns of thinking, which trickle down into how I’m feeling, and the grand finale results into a series of unintended mishaps and unfortunate events. After all hell breaks loose – I gather the strength to do better, be better, work harder… until it happens again – and then the hamster wheel continues to spin and spin.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah 43:2

I want to grow, I want to get better, I want to become the woman that God created me to be. Oh, but fear. Usually, I begin to fight back and wrestle the gut wrenching lies replaying in my mind saying, “You’re not good enough,” “God doesn’t love me,” “I’m too disgusting and damaged to be saved by and loved by Jesus or anyone else.” With each lie echoing inside of mind, the deeper I spiral into the dark abyss.

Last night, I had another one of these episodes, just as I got into bed – perfect timing right? Shame and guilt spilled over my heart and drenched my soul with heaviness. I began to fight these thoughts, only to realize that I was only fighting myself. The more I fought, the louder the lies got. The more I tried, the harder I fell.

However, something happened last night, that hadn’t occurred before. In the mist of my battle, I heard Jesus call out to me, in a still, small, voice – I heard Him say, “the battle is not yours but God’s.”

‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s.

2 Chronicles 20:15

Amidst the war that was waging in heart and mind – there was my loving Savior – waiting for me to surrender it all to Him. My fears, thoughts and emotions stood no chance against the Truth. I cried out to God and said, ‘Jesus, I need you.” Simple as that – no lengthy prayers, no begging, no bargaining. I decided to trust God – to trust in His character and what He says about me. Game over. The lies waved the white flag and fled. Peace filled my entire being, as I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep.

In hindsight, here are a few things I realized:

  • I cannot save myself – only Jesus can.
  • I need Jesus
  • Although of my negative thoughts about myself might be true – Jesus took my place and took up my sins upon Him on the cross, once and for ALL. In Christ I am:
    • saved
    • loved
    • valued
    • heard
    • healed
    • whole
    • safe
  • Jesus allowed the battle to increase my faith and trust in Him -and Him alone.
  • He also used the situation to teach me how to surrender to Him.
  • Gods Word is above my thoughts and feeling and it is the ultimate truth which can be relied on.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 8:12

We don’t need to try harder, do more, be better. Darling, we are loved simply because God is love. Love is the essence of his nature. Surrender to the Truth.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” 

 Ephesians 1:4-5 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed or defeated by fear, insecurity or lack? Please leave a comment below, we’d love to pray for you.

xoxo

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